From the bottom of my broken heart:
It’s as if we had the New Year eve bash a couple of weeks back and now the year is more or less out of my hands like a kite, held loosely, slipping out of ones grip and flying away!
I just can’t believe that it’s over so soon. It’s been a year of surprises for me, a few of them pleasant and the rest of them very unpleasant. I haven’t grown much…well....I haven’t grown at all, in any sense. There have been many changes in my life. In the middle of all the hush and rush, I’ve even missed out the first anniversary of this messy corner….not that it’s important, ‘cos it’s more dead than alive. Many thanks to me.
I’ve initiated several things this year, but I simply haven’t produced any results. When I sit back and appraise myself, I look dull compared to so many people I know, people of my age…some of them even younger, who have produced strongly positive results. Every year, till now, has had something to be happy about at the end of it; something significant; something that would act as a motivator to help me go ahead. Somehow, this year, I’m left with nothing of the sort. It’s been unfathomably and incredibly static. What have I not done??..or what have I done??, I’m yet to figure out!
Have been thinking about it for the past few days (YES, the weekend was terrible). Possibly, things were just not destined to work out for me this year. Possibly, I just didn’t do things right! Possibly I didn’t do the right things at all. Probably I wasn’t committed enough. Possibly, this is a curse on me for some misdeed. The list can go on…but the bottom line is, I’m left with a year washed out of my hands….I’m left with nothing…not even the confidence to go on!
It could have been luck (or the lack of it), it could have been destiny but it could have been a little better than it is, had I put in more effort. I can only blame myself, my lack of commitment and my lethargy! This isn’t the first time I’m making a mistake in life and this certainly wouldn’t be the last.
Today I don’t have a success story behind me that compels me to maintain any standards. I only have a painfully strong desire to grow, to achieve, to excel, to be a winner, to simply be the very best. I know not, how I’ll fill the gap between what is and what I wish for!
The force that’s held my hand and led me through the woods and valleys of life will certainly elevate me out of this dark pit. The needs of the hour are patience, focus and commitment. This phase too shall pass!
Dear blog pal, I’m glad you took time out to read this post which has nothing of interest or significance. To make up for all the lethargy and defocus, I shall write a post on this gap, on 27th Dec 2006 by which time, I hope to have closed it entirely and started off filling other gaps. This is a promise I make to myself and to every reader of this blog. Let this kite fly away and diminish into a tiny speck of color against the bright blue sky. There are many more kites to fly; kites that I’ll handle with great care and will find myself happily releasing when the time comes! Have a wonderful year!!!! :-)
I just can’t believe that it’s over so soon. It’s been a year of surprises for me, a few of them pleasant and the rest of them very unpleasant. I haven’t grown much…well....I haven’t grown at all, in any sense. There have been many changes in my life. In the middle of all the hush and rush, I’ve even missed out the first anniversary of this messy corner….not that it’s important, ‘cos it’s more dead than alive. Many thanks to me.
I’ve initiated several things this year, but I simply haven’t produced any results. When I sit back and appraise myself, I look dull compared to so many people I know, people of my age…some of them even younger, who have produced strongly positive results. Every year, till now, has had something to be happy about at the end of it; something significant; something that would act as a motivator to help me go ahead. Somehow, this year, I’m left with nothing of the sort. It’s been unfathomably and incredibly static. What have I not done??..or what have I done??, I’m yet to figure out!
Have been thinking about it for the past few days (YES, the weekend was terrible). Possibly, things were just not destined to work out for me this year. Possibly, I just didn’t do things right! Possibly I didn’t do the right things at all. Probably I wasn’t committed enough. Possibly, this is a curse on me for some misdeed. The list can go on…but the bottom line is, I’m left with a year washed out of my hands….I’m left with nothing…not even the confidence to go on!
It could have been luck (or the lack of it), it could have been destiny but it could have been a little better than it is, had I put in more effort. I can only blame myself, my lack of commitment and my lethargy! This isn’t the first time I’m making a mistake in life and this certainly wouldn’t be the last.
Today I don’t have a success story behind me that compels me to maintain any standards. I only have a painfully strong desire to grow, to achieve, to excel, to be a winner, to simply be the very best. I know not, how I’ll fill the gap between what is and what I wish for!
The force that’s held my hand and led me through the woods and valleys of life will certainly elevate me out of this dark pit. The needs of the hour are patience, focus and commitment. This phase too shall pass!
Dear blog pal, I’m glad you took time out to read this post which has nothing of interest or significance. To make up for all the lethargy and defocus, I shall write a post on this gap, on 27th Dec 2006 by which time, I hope to have closed it entirely and started off filling other gaps. This is a promise I make to myself and to every reader of this blog. Let this kite fly away and diminish into a tiny speck of color against the bright blue sky. There are many more kites to fly; kites that I’ll handle with great care and will find myself happily releasing when the time comes! Have a wonderful year!!!! :-)
posted by Xena at 2:47 AM
<< Home