Luscious stuff- Just for you!!!

From the bottom of my broken heart:

It’s as if we had the New Year eve bash a couple of weeks back and now the year is more or less out of my hands like a kite, held loosely, slipping out of ones grip and flying away!

I just can’t believe that it’s over so soon. It’s been a year of surprises for me, a few of them pleasant and the rest of them very unpleasant. I haven’t grown much…well....I haven’t grown at all, in any sense. There have been many changes in my life. In the middle of all the hush and rush, I’ve even missed out the first anniversary of this messy corner….not that it’s important, ‘cos it’s more dead than alive. Many thanks to me.

I’ve initiated several things this year, but I simply haven’t produced any results. When I sit back and appraise myself, I look dull compared to so many people I know, people of my age…some of them even younger, who have produced strongly positive results. Every year, till now, has had something to be happy about at the end of it; something significant; something that would act as a motivator to help me go ahead. Somehow, this year, I’m left with nothing of the sort. It’s been unfathomably and incredibly static. What have I not done??..or what have I done??, I’m yet to figure out!



Have been thinking about it for the past few days (YES, the weekend was terrible). Possibly, things were just not destined to work out for me this year. Possibly, I just didn’t do things right! Possibly I didn’t do the right things at all. Probably I wasn’t committed enough. Possibly, this is a curse on me for some misdeed. The list can go on…but the bottom line is, I’m left with a year washed out of my hands….I’m left with nothing…not even the confidence to go on!

It could have been luck (or the lack of it), it could have been destiny but it could have been a little better than it is, had I put in more effort. I can only blame myself, my lack of commitment and my lethargy! This isn’t the first time I’m making a mistake in life and this certainly wouldn’t be the last.

Today I don’t have a success story behind me that compels me to maintain any standards. I only have a painfully strong desire to grow, to achieve, to excel, to be a winner, to simply be the very best. I know not, how I’ll fill the gap between what is and what I wish for!

The force that’s held my hand and led me through the woods and valleys of life will certainly elevate me out of this dark pit. The needs of the hour are patience, focus and commitment. This phase too shall pass!

Dear blog pal, I’m glad you took time out to read this post which has nothing of interest or significance. To make up for all the lethargy and defocus, I shall write a post on this gap, on 27th Dec 2006 by which time, I hope to have closed it entirely and started off filling other gaps. This is a promise I make to myself and to every reader of this blog. Let this kite fly away and diminish into a tiny speck of color against the bright blue sky. There are many more kites to fly; kites that I’ll handle with great care and will find myself happily releasing when the time comes! Have a wonderful year!!!! :-)

________________

She looked out of the window of her two storied house that stood all alone, tall and proud, with only pines for company. Crisp looking white crystalline ice covered the roofs, tree and the streets. There were a few houses in the distance, very small ones, cramped up. A chill breeze was blowing. The moon was high up, but did not attempt to lend any warmth to this land. All the elements of nature seem to be muted and in mourning…but strangely in white!

She quickly shut the window after a brief wrestle with the wind. 'Too vacant and too cold outside', she thought.

The fire was burning bright in the fire place and glossed the room in gold. She walked to the kitchen with a smile and made herself a tea. She brought the tea over to the fire place and stood looking into the tea for a while. The lemony fragrance was inviting and the translucent brown color was all the more alluring when light fell on it.

She picked up a book from the rack and sat by the fire place, sipping the tea, engrossed in the aroma and flavor of both the tea and the book. She had almost finished the tea and a few pages of the book. The clock in the study was ticking. She could hear the wind outside. Occasionally a dog barked in the distance. The shadows of objects in the room loomed up on the walls. She suddenly felt a pang within, an urge to be anything but alone.



She rushed to the window and opened it wide. The wind rushed at her face. The houses at the distance looked chirpy and pleasant. A few people were standing huddled together near one of those houses. She thought the host must be seeing the guests off after dinner. Everything outside- the people, the trees, the bushes, the grass, the snowman at a distance; was glossed in silvery moon light.

She turned around. The room looked cold and vacant with the fire staring into her teary eyes.


Dunno y I wrote this ‘n simply couldn’t think of a title! Suggestions r most welcome :-)